I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
