He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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