Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
