shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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