he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
