you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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