Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
