Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
