Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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