This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
