The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
