New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Randomize
