Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Enjoy the penises
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
