you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
