i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
