You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize