# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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