why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
