Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
