What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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