So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
