I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
