Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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