You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
