My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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