They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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