i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize