she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
