I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So squirting runs in the family.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
