I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
