so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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