Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
