oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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