I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
