In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
