You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
