I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
