I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
