i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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