Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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