Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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