I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
