The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I AM VODKA MAN
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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