My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
