i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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