going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
