Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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