Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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