none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
