My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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