I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
someone owes me an orgasm
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
