Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
