and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
