i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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