my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
