I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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