She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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