Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
