with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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