Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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