playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
