I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
