I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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