My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
