the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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