Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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