k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
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