hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
