When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
