Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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