I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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