You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
