So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize