the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
