Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
