i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize