really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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