i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
