i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
