I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
