you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
