some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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