lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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