My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
