When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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