they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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