just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
