I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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