I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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