I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
