Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
