Umm I'm too high to move.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
