I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
