I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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