Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
