Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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