isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
