I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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