??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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