This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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