He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
