Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
