All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
