you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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