His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We're too hungover to prance.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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