I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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