some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
