I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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