my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I believe in your delicious
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
